Sunday, August 22, 2010

Colouring Book Theatre: Star Trek

Star Trek" by Saalfield (1975)
Bit of an milestone today, as we have not only the worst colouring book I have ever seen but the worst bit of Star Trek merchandise ever.

Yes, this publication with the nice shot of a slightly inebriated Mr Spock on the cover beats this item and even this item as the greatest example of Paramount's licensing departments complete lack of care.

The book has some rather palatable art by Robert Doremus but it's the story that is the true culprit. Either this is a) a sick joke or b) Saalfield hired my mom who decided to write a "nice" Star Trek story for a change (effectively removing the cool stuff like Phasers, Klingons and you know action)

If you want to experience the pain, check it out after the jump, there's a cool contest at the end, so at least you may be compensated:

After your typical establishing shots of the Enterprise and the bridge crew, the plot starts to move and it's about Omicron, a lost planet full of Circus performers.
This is supposed to be Mr. Sulu, the artist seems to think that George Takei played Sulu is a constant state of surprise. He is always depicted as open mouthed and eyes wide open. Now, a planet of circus performers actually sounds like a neat idea, bearded ladies, he-shes. dwarfs and lobster people, I agree with Sulu, let's check it out!

Oh Shit, it's a clown planet. Well, it can't get any worse right?

Oh God No, please Jim, drop kick Officer Mittens.


Oh not Scottie too, it's his only appearance, did they have to add the little dog?.

From the "Innocent then, unintentionally funny now" file

See comment above

You're a genius Spock, it only takes the fact that the Captain is dressed like Pagliacci and Sulu doing cartwheels to realize something odd is going on. Must be a lesson lurking somewhere!

Ah, there it is, the morale at the end of the story smeared on good and thick, well I have a lesson for you Saalfield publishing...

Lt. Uhura isn't a middle aged white woman!

I need some tranya....

Onto the Contest:

Thanks to the good people at Abrams Publishing I have a copy of the new book "Star Trek 365" to give away. All you need is answer this skill testing question:

Do you think you could take Captain Kirk in a fight?

Email your answers here. 

The winner will be chosen next Saturday.

If you have a colouring book you'd like to guest review, I'd like to hear from you!


Meatball said...

Thanks to the cover of this book, we now know what Spock would have looked like if he had been played by Martin Landau. :)

Alphacentaurian said...

OK... after seeing this... just kill me now.

This is the saddest, most depressing colouring book ever! This makes Chick cartoon tracts look like high art and fine literature. Well, maybe not, but just kill me.

Arkonbey said...

Whoa. I had that damned thing! Even as a ten-year old, I remember it being very, very surreal and the Spock as pirate image has stayed with me.

That said, it is the most interesting and painterly coloring book cover ever, though...

rob! said...

I think this was the plot Roddenberry kept pitching as the next Trek movie in the 80s.

Umbratikus said...

Is it just me, or does Sulu look like a blow-up doll for gay men?

(no offense meant to Sulu, gay men, or blow up dolls). -

. said...

Most merchandise is so bad that it's good. This is so bad that it's super-bad.


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