Sunday, April 25, 2010

Colouring Book Theatre: Country Music Wax Museum

Today we have another guest colouring book review, this time from Rex who brings us possibly the weirdest colouring book I've ever seen. As souveniers go, this one almost seems to punish you for visiting. Bless you Rex and take it away...

Country Music Wax Museum"

World-famous Madame Tussauds wax museum offers audiences a chance to examine expertly-crafted likenesses of such expertly-crafted luminaries as Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie. Once upon a time, a dingy out-of-the-way storefront in Nashville, Tennessee similarly presented tourists with slapdash paraffin effegies of fading country music stars like Conway Twitty and Grandpa Jones. Though sadly gone, the Country Music Wax Museum lives on in an aptly bizarre coloring book that looks like it was illustrated traced by a particularly talentless 5th grader.

Here’s George D. Hay, best known as the inspiration for the schoolmaster in Pink Floyd’s The Wall, alongside Uncle Dave Macon, who’s either playing the banjo until his fingers bleed or enduring epic constipation.

Hank Williams sings the lonesome blues. Or maybe he’s singing about the horrors of tertiary syphilis.

Can you connect the dots to discover what Cousin Minnie has by her left side? Hint: It’s the same thing she has by her right side.

June Carter is a male impersonator. Husband Johnny Cash is concerned that he’s just now noticing this. (Editor's note: I pity the human being who thought woman looked like this)

Country music audiences of the 1960s were surprised to learn that white-sounding singer Charley Pride was actually African-American.
Charley looks a bit shocked himself here, as he learns that he’s also an albino.

Loretta Lynn is the most feminine-looking woman to grace these pages. And yes, that is a relative distinction.

At Madame Tussaud’s, you might see Elvis in his classic gold lamé or black leather. Here we have Country Elvis, wearing a ‘70s prom tux and looking like he’s just about to break into a conservative but definite hip-swivel. You can tell it’s Elvis from the signature curling of…uh…that oval shape where his lips would be.

Thoughtfully concluding this unique keepsake memento is a map to the museum--in case you’ve forgotten how to get to where you’ve just gone to. Road closed…bridge out…tree across road…the attention to detail is impeccable

I cannot thanks Rex enough for bringing us this horror, it almost makes Dune and Tuffy Tooth look entertaining by comparision...

Previously reviewed Colouring Books

If you have a colouring book you'd like to guest review, I'd like to hear from you!


Sharon Day said...

I readily admit I'm a ghost hunter, a cemetery freak, a lover of abandoned places and ventriloquist dolls and clowns and mannequins, but the thought of being in a room full of wax country/western stars--terrifies me! I can't even look at the pictures without shivers!

JFStan said...

Worst. Coloring book. Art. Ever.


Video Zeta One said...

Good Lord!

REX said...

I can't say I had the dubious pleasure of seeing the place for myself, Autumn, (I didn't appreciated country-music-themed wax horrorshows when I was a teen the way I do now) but I imagine it would've been something akin to that movie Tourist Trap, with the Rifleman and the evil mannequins.

Thanks, Brian, and here's to four more+

alphacentaurian said...

I, for one, am glad of the inclusion of Minnie Pearl :)


John III said...

That is just about the funniest thing I have ever read on here. Good Lord, the humanity of it all! If my parents gave me that worst excuse for a coloring book, I would have stuffed those pages full of fireworks and blown the shat out of it.


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