‘Stretch Armstrong and Stretch Monster" by Resource PublishersI think every child of the 1970s at least remembers Stretch Armstrong. I've relayed my own childhood experience with the big guy several times here. Also, Stretch Monster is the vintage toy I just seem unable to own, I've tried for like 20 years to get my hands on one.
I was kind of excited to get this book because I thought maybe it would have some sort of grand backstory and adventure for the Stretch couple which is what you'd get from Whitman or Rand McNally.
Although, the Cincinatti based "Resource Publishers" (which sounds like a subsidary of Kenner) would introduce me to one of the strangest books I've seen in a long time
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More after the jump.
So yeah, it's pretty much just starts out as a brochure of how fun the Stretch Armstrong toys are and it seems to swipe several of the images off the packaging.
My cousin had a friend who said he could do this.
Enter Stretch Monster for pages and pages of cuddling. The children are now gone and the Stretch figures now appear to be regular size.
We tried the Swamp Seize once, that's how my daughter was born!
Then the whole thing detours while Stretch goes to the zoo and we're treated to PAGES AND PAGES OF ANIMALS. Which is much better than telling us anything about Stretch and why he doesn't wear clothes...
But it gets dumber, Stretch Monster now visits a circus and takes in the freak show. A monster, who lives in a swamp takes in a circus sideshow complete with cotton candy. We're treated to pages of clowns and high wire acts too, while smiling old Stretch Monsters makes the odd cameo. I don't think I want a Stretch Monster anymore...
"I'll take things that wouldn't fly in a colouring book today for $500 Alex"
And it ends with one word, I need to go lay down.
Just how did Stretch Monster get that cotton candy, anyhow? Did he just whip out his Monster Wallet at the concession stand? What kind of a paycheck does Monstering bring in, anyhow? If he didn't buy it, did he rob the stand? Did he beat up a kid and take it? There's just no non-disturbing answer.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I never understood why Stretch was fun, even as a kid, and the idea of him having a buddy to spoon... er, wrestle with just disturbs the hell out of me.
This is quite possibly the greatest coloring book of all time!!! I'm dying to see the rest of it!!
ReplyDeleteI don't want to know what was born out of Stretch Armstrong and Stretch Monster's Swamp Seize.
ReplyDeleteWell Brian, here's my take. I think the two kids on that last page with their toys were "pretending" to be Armstrong and Monster as they walk through the circus. And the coloring book shows us the perspective of that imagination. Wow...that was deep! LOL
ReplyDeleteTo paraphrase Joel and the 'Bots: I think we've put more thought into this than the writers of the colouring book did.
ReplyDelete